Trippin'

(picture)

You know, the funny thing is that this weekend has been a three day weekend filled with sleeping in, time at Solid Rock and The Way, phone calls to friends, walking around downtown for hours, and getting organized for next week (starting back up again at the hospital...ahhh!!!) DESPITE THAT, all that I can think about is the dinner I ate last night: Cod Fish & Chips. I am truly suffering from food guilt. As in, why do I do this to myself!? I only ate about half of it, BUT STILL--I don't even LIKE fried food all that much and it was an entire plate of brown and fried! UGH! More than the calorie guilt (plenty of that to go around), I am thinking back to my New Years resolutions, specifically number 18 (I know, I made a lot...): Love myself enough to care. To care about what I am putting in my body; to care how it is going to make me feel; to care about the long term consequences of what I eat; to care about my health; to care about the habits I make for myself; to care about ENJOYING my night out, not being tripped by guilt; to care about my body, a temple of the HOLY SPIRIT; to care about the way I look and present myself to the world.

I have realized that at some point 5 years ago, I gave up. I quit caring about myself--seriously. Instead of exercising, I slept in late because I stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning studying and working on homework that I had procrastinated on. Instead of carefully selecting what I put in my body, I chose to go out to lunch or dinner OFTEN with friends (who seemed to not be tempted AT ALL to finish what was on their plate) so that we could spend time together. Instead of spending time with and being filled by Jesus, I wasted HOURS on Facebook. When it was all said and done, I was overtired, overeaten, zoned out, and overweight. Like I had become this great, big, numb blob of what I once was. I was just kind of sullying through life, and really, no longer caring about myself. I mean, I don't shop because I hate how clothes look on me. What I have in my wardrobe is from my mom. Don't get me wrong, she has good taste! But if it has to do with me, I have given up. Now, if someone I loved ever needed ANYTHING, I could do it in a heartbeat: If I need to be at the hospital during finals week because Dave is having emergency surgery? Boom. Done. If I need to sit for 2 hours everyday and listen to a friend grieve over a loss? No problem. If I need to give up study/sleep time to pick up a friend and hang out when she locks herself out of her apartment at midnight? I'm there.

If I need to exercise daily and eat better so that I can achieve my goal weight? Uhhh...

So I don't really know how to resolve this. It's time to...care? IT'S TIME TO CARE!! So I guess that means I'm in the gym tomorrow at 6 AM. I guess that means I am writing down what I eat, drinking lots of water, eating lots of fruits and vegetables. I guess that means I am scheduling time in my day for Jesus. I guess that means I am making daily phone calls to friends. AND SOMEHOW, finding time to study and do all of this by 9:30 PM so that I can get in my 8 hours of sleep. Who knew that this taking-care-of-myself business would be so time consuming!!??

So my song, my song, my song...I need a song...got one: "All God's Children" by Delirious? This reminds me what everything is all about and who stands beside me in this. Really great song.