Monday, May 24, 2010

More Melancholy

Reba McEntire sings this REALLLLL country song called, "Once You've Learned To Be Lonely" and my recommendation is, if you don't like country music, don't listen to it. It's not even one that I like very much...never have given it much thought...until recently...

Once you've learned to be lonely,
And lonely is the only thing you know,
It begins to feel like home;
It becomes your comfort zone.
Once you've learned to be without someone,
And settled for the silence of an empty room,
It changes you.
There's a lot you have to undo
Once you've learned to be lonely.

Like I said, I don't really care for the song. But the lyrics are really striking a chord with me right now. I'm having a hard time connecting with anybody right now--and furthermore? I don't want the opinions of people I have no respect for. I have never felt less like myself: I have more walls up than I know what to do with; feel that I am actively and passively shutting people out; feel invisible and kind of forgotten.

Saturday night, I went to see Letters To Juliet with a friend (got laughed at in class this morning for liking it...whatever...). Afterwards, we parted ways, and everyone went home. But I really did not want to go back to the house (long story short--it's kind of a black hole here). It was a little after 10PM and I was wandering the streets of Portland by myself. Feeling utterly, and completely forgotten. Hopeless. Sad to the very core of my soul. Despite that, I felt like walking around the city by myself was the COMFORTABLE thing to do; the song lyrics came true for me and that was pretty striking. I didn't want to go home, had no one around. I seriously contemplated walking into the first bar I could find and just sitting there with a drink just to be around people.

I graduate in one month from tomorrow. Words cannot even describe how ecstatic I am, so I won't try. Thinking about this has made me realize something else: I don't think I've gotten a legitimate hug from anyone since the last time I was home. I'm not really a touch person, but this makes me really sad.

O, and did I mention that it is supposed to rain everyday for the rest of the month at least?

Jesus, please help me--I can't make it through one more month on my own :(

Song of the day: "This is the Thing," by Fink. State of the soul, shall we say...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

And Here. We. Go.

A brief update my friends! This week is absolutely NUTS for me:

My case study is TOMORROW--AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am presenting on a patient with lupus nephritis and I have been swamped in her life for the last 3 weeks. So glad it is going to be over tomorrow at 3:00 PM...pray for me!

I start my pediatric rotation on Tuesday, which includes a 5 page study guide that is TAKING FOREVER--I spent 2 hours on it yesterday and got done with 1/2 a page :/ Crap...

Wednesday night, my research group and I are exhibiting a poster at the Portland Dietetic Association meeting on the project we have been working on since January: Standards for Evaluating Obesity in Kidney Transplant Candidates. We still need to put the poster together...Crap...

Friends, by Friday, I will be on SERIOUS cruise control, with a couple of papers to write and some loose ends to tie up. And guess what? Next week is the LAST week of May :) :) :) :) :)

In other news, I have deactivated my Facebook account (see my last post). It was necessary. When I needed breaks this weekend, I caught up on Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution on Seriously? If you haven't watched this show, you absolutely should. It is a fascinating look at health in America. WOW.

It is likely the next time I update you all, I will be destressing just a little bit. Until then, see today's picture...

In honor of the craziness, you should check out: "Eight Second Ride," by Jake Owen. It's a kickass song, FO' REALS!