Motion/Heart Sick/Broken

I do not remember life being this hard.

You know how, when you are riding a carnival ride, you can get off the ride if you cover your mouth with one hand and raise the other? The ride operator will see you and will stop the ride. The spinning, the dizziness, the nausea, the sickness will stop...all you have to do is cover your mouth and raise your hand.

Dear ride-of-life,

I'd like to get off now...

EPIC SAUCE

More Than A Song

Ok, so you know how most kids/teenagers/co-eds doodle pictures in their notes when they're bored in class? Yeah, I definitely practiced my printing and cursive and wrote out song lyrics that were going through my head and distracting me from class. Weird, I know. But I really love music! Have you ever noticed how songs seem to convey exactly what you want to say exactly the way you want to say it? Happens to me all the time! And to be honest, I think that is how the Holy Spirit works when he intercedes for us before God--he communicates in our hearts what our words cannot. When we are stuck in prayer, the Holy Spirit is praying for us on our behalf--how cool is that!? Well, actually, I think it's more like music; more like singing to perfectly capture what we want to say, how we need to say it.

Pretty dang cool if you ask me...

SO, this song just came through my shuffle mode and I love it, I love it, I love it! So tell me what you think :)

"Curl Up and Die" by Relient K

I don't like the steps I took

To get to look

Into your deepest feelings

I don't like the place I'm in

Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling

Cause if I'm restless

Then why do I?

I want nothing but to rest my soul

And I don't get this and I know why

You see sometimes things are just beyond control

But I don't mind

But I'm not surprised to find that you do

I'm not surprised to find that you do

I know you do

And I feel fine

But I know the same does not apply to you

I know the same does not apply to you

So I guess that I'll curl up and die, too.

Clinging to the remnants of perfection

Like most do after they break it

Not knowing which direction is the correct one

Do I discard or remake it?

Cause if I don't know then I don't know

But I may know someone that knows me more than I

And if I somehow could rest this soul

Maybe control could find its way back to my life

But I don't mind

You see I know that I have done all this to you

To you

Yeah I'll curl up with you

Until I die with you [3x]

Yeah I'll curl up with you yeah my baby, yeah my darlin'

Until I die with you...

O Pretty Please, Pick Me!

Here's something you may not know about me...I'm a little type-A.

Ok, so if you know me a little better, you might argue that I'm a lotta type-A...tomato, toemahto...

BUT, I do have this thing about the way I get things done...it's a little on the OCD side: I really WILL NOT get things done in a cluttered space.

I will not spend time in my room if it is messy.

I will not review notes I have taken if they were scribbled in haste--must be rewritten or typed.

I will not drive my car if there is crap everywhere.

I will not like/endorse a room that messes up my chi/feng shui.

Things that are crooked, must be straightened.

Pencil shavings? Briskly brushed off the paper.

Etc, etc.

(NOTE: These are rules I apply to MYSELF ONLY. I have no problems living with people who do not operate this way, as long as their clutter does not cross into my space.)

Why am I telling you all this? Well, because I love my little blog. I really, REALLY do! BUT, I desire to make in more aesthetically pleasing so that I may want to linger in this little cyberspace and share stories--mine and yours! So my blog needs a makeover...

COINCIDENTALLY, the CUTEST blog on the planet is having a giveaway that you can read about here, where one lucky reader will get to have their blog redesigned by a talented graphic designer! Ummmmm, yes please! Sooooo, per the conditions of said giveaway, I am entering.

So please, cute bloggette, on behalf of all of the type-A/OCD science nerds in the world (who struggle with that creative side of the brain), please pick Sunshine for Vitamin D!

And while you are mulling over your decision, listen to my Song of the Day: "Home" by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros. If you want extra motivation to love this song, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND WATCH :D

Frisbeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE ULTIMATE FRISBEE!!!!!!!

My friends and I frequently play ultimate frisbee at night with glowsticks and a glow in the dark frisbee. Now that it is summer, it is PERFECT! Sooooo excited we got to play tonight!

SOTD: "I Want You Back" by N'SYNC. Why? Because I love N'SYNC and there is nothing better than a great 90s boy band to get you singing right along in the car :)

For the Delong Family

My weekend went something like this:

FRIDAY--after work, I drove to the Sports Complex and coached 12 girls basketball players for a 2-day camp. Came home to my family + Johnny/Blythe + Dave/Jacqui + Mike + Shelby + Jo at my house for our weekly Friday night game night. They were engaged in an intense Catch Phrase (boys vs. girls) game...absolutely hysterical.

SATURDAY--Day 2 of camp in the morning (where I saw Jojo trying out to be a summer referee...keep reading to know why this is so cool that I saw her!), raced off to Mikala's bridal shower (a little over 1 month, and counting!), and spent Saturday night with my girls at Jess' house for makeup lessons, homemade peach cobbler, and girl talk. So I have an inspired post today, since I spent Saturday at Jess'...

I love the Delong family. When my parents first moved to Castaic, the Delong's were our neighbors! So we have technically been family friends for almost my whole life. But after they moved to Canyon Country, life changed drastically for them when their oldest son, Justin, was diagnosed with leukemia at age 5. After beating the cancer into remission, it returned and took his life when he was 15. He died July 2000.

In 2006, their youngest son, Jacob, was diagnosed with the same disease.

Out of her heartbreak, Lisa Delong has just published a memoir aptly named Blood Brothers, that will be available for purchase through Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and Target starting July 5. There is no wisdom like that which comes from suffering, and the Delong family has a lot to share.

While I was sitting in church today, feeling really distracted by a lot stuff that's been heavy on my heart and mind, I asked the Lord to draw close and let me feel him near. I was letting my mind just drift when God came near...

Saturday night, when I walked into the Delong's home, Jacob paused his video games, came over to me and gave me a great big hug. He wanted to show me his finger he smashed playing soccer and how he had to wear a brace on it to let it heal. Jacob is a quiet, reserved 11 year-old. But a few months ago, he came to Magic Mountain with Jessica and all our girlfriends and he was our "man of the hour." I absolutely loved riding Tatsu with him and running through the park playing carnival games with him. After that night, we were buds :)

While sitting in church, Jacob landed on my heart and I started to cry. I got to hug Jacob Delong last night. I love talking to their spirited mom and strong father . I have watched/cheered on Jojo as she finished basketball her senior year (coincidence that I saw her when I was coaching this weekend? I think not). And Jessica is one of my dearest friends--a true friend, a treasure of the soul. I absolutely love this family. As I thought about Jacob, I felt God move my heart, reminding me of the blessing of life and what it is to love someone. I prayed for Jacob today--I care deeply about his health and well-being. It breaks my heart to think that he, or his family, or any of my beloved family/friends would suffer. And what can we do? Suffering is guaranteed in this life! And there are things that God allows to happen in a broken world while he is redeeming creation--things we cannot understand. But how beautiful it is to hold one another, walk with one another, cry with one another, and be with one another IN suffering! That is deep love, my friends.

As followers of Jesus, this is where we are called. Do you know what Jesus did when he arrived at Lazarus' grave in John 11? HE WEPT. HARD. He grieved--why? He KNEW what he was about to do--that he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, in front of the crowd, to the glory of God! Yet what caused him to cry was seeing Mary and Martha, who were DEVASTATED by the death of their brother. He saw their shattered, broken hearts and he was deeply hurt by their pain. SO HE CRIED WITH THEM. He didn't tell them to get over it, didn't roll his eyes...he sat with them and then asked them to believed in the saving, redeeming power of Jesus Christ. He was perfect in their grief, but he was WITH THEM. That is all that we are called to--be with those who are hurting. We will let him who is the resurrection and the life do the miracles.

The SOTD, when God pulled my heart close with the beautiful memory of Jacob and his family: "We The Redeemed" by Hillsong United

Some Random Musings on the Day...

{This beautiful girl is 19 today!! So thankful for her (with her very lucky, very handsome boy)}

{Where I had dinner with a very cute Kate and Katie}

{Hessen, Germany--where my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather is from}

{Currently watching with the best sis and bro in the world}

SOTD: "Be The Lake" by Brad Paisley. WARNING--there will be A LOT of Brad on this blog. Because he is my dream man: he makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me love, he makes me want to play guitar, he makes me country in southern California, he loves his wife and kids, and he loves Jesus. I mean seriously, who doesn't love a man who writes lyrics like:

"Wish I could be the beach towel that you lay down on,

Or that two-piece that's fitting you so right, it's wrong,

Or the sunshine kissing on your skin.

Wish I could be the lake that you're swimming in,

Or maybe that book you lay on your chest

When you drift off like you do,

Or maybe that 25 SPF

You keep rubbing all over you."

:D

"Two Things You Told Me"

"Two things you told me:

That you are strong,

And that you love me.

Yes, you love me."

I want you to read this verse^

Now read it again...

One more time...

Did you catch that? Don't miss it! The love of our heavenly Father is strong--that means that he is able to do for us (save/transform/change/rescue/redeem). And that it is US that he loves! In the last couple of days, I have been wrapped in the blankets of this truth. Let me encourage you, my friends: his love is enough. No matter where you are at, his love is strong, it is you that he loves, and it is enough. Don't feel it? Let me encourage you: There are plenty of times when we have to hold to what we know versus what we feel. There are many times when I do not feel the strength, or the love that I need, but I know that it is there. I repeat it to myself until it affects my feelings, like talking yourself out of a bad mood: you may not feel like being respectful to your parents because you are cranky, but if you repeat the truth ("honor your father and mother, for it is the first commandment with a promise..."), you will do the right thing and your feelings will follow.

You see, the world has it backwards: people will tell you to "go with your gut" and "follow your heart" and "do whatever you feel like." But God has a different view: "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9) I'm not saying that your gut and your feelings are ALWAYS wrong (c'mon people, let's have a discussion here!). But I think that there are times that we need to embrace truth despite our feelings, especially when it comes to God-sized matters. You know the ones I'm talking about: "God, where are you in my heartbreak?" "God just tell me what direction I should go!" "Why don't I feel you near me?" "Where were you when I suffered?"

We are prone to walk away from God when we get no tangible responses from him--I speak from experience! I walked away from trusting/following God in high school during a particularly difficult year because I did not "feel" him close, "feel" his answer, "feel" his comfort when I thought I needed it. I can look back now and see that God had a plan for my life much bigger than my own--redemption that led to the return of the prodigal daughter, leading me to Pepperdine, to nutrition, to Young Life, to my blessed friendships today, and to so many other things I do not have space to say now!

So I encourage you friends: KNOW that God's love is strong, and it is strong FOR YOU. No matter where you are in life, you are not forgotten, not alone, and able to be rescued/redeemed/saved. Ask, and don't doubt! Then look to the horizon and wait, just one hour, for your Savior to appear. And guess what? He WILL appear. Watch, pray, and hold on to HOPE :)

Be reminded of this awesomely strong love: "Your Love Is Strong" by Jon Foreman

I'll Have a Vodka and Soda

Yeeehaaaww Coyote Ugly!

Alright, there are 3 jobs that I wish I would have had during college:

1. Barista
2. Waitress
3. Bartender
Today was the annual fundraising golf tournament and I got to work as a bartender! It was so much fun--I wish we would have been able to get tips because I would have made a fortune (think big Motion Picture industry folks just a liiiittttlllleee intoxicated with money to spend...). I think it would be the coolest to take off to Jamaica for a few months, work as a bartender, and live on the beach off the tips you make...and yes, I am inspired by Kenny Chesney :)

Get inspired too with my SOTD: "Boston" by Kenny Chesney

Back to Blogging--Hooray!!

i'm baaaaaaackkkk...again :D

May 1st.

Before that? Oct 26...

Before that? Aug 27...

As you can see from the dates of my most recent posts, I haven't been a great blogger since I moved home from Portland. Let's just say this:

LIFE HAS BEEN INSANE.

Once again, I find myself not sure of exactly where to start to catch you up! What did I leave you with?

1. Mikala is still great and getting married in less than 2 months! Look out San Diego--this will be the best wedding EVER.

2. Check your expectations for God at the door. Still so, so, so true.

3. Grief is like a steaming cup of tea--becomes more true, and more profound with every sip (this is one of the best things I have ever read. You can read it here).

So I could catch you up on the rundown of the last 11 months OR I could just start from today. And since when can we ever go backwards in life? We can't. Steven Curtis Chapman says it so beautifully: "As sure as seasons are made for change, our lifetimes are made for years." So I think I will just start today--after all, God's mercies are new every morning--THANK YOU JESUS :)

First, a confession, mostly for myself. I have not been very good about taking pictures for the last few months, so they will be kind of scarce for a bit. I may need to invest in a new camera for summer, ya mahn? Ya mahn...

Second, remember to check out my "Song of the Day" always posted at the bottom of my blogs. I love music and this is such a great way to share with you what is in my heart and soul.

Any further disclaimers? Uhhhh...I don't think so. Oh! Other than to let ya'll know (for those who don't already) that I got rid of my Facebook about 2 months ago. E-mail (First name.Last name@gmail.com)/call/text to get ahold of me!

Other than that? I got nothin...sooooooo, check out my latest SOTD from the latest Brandon Heath album Leaving Eden: "It's Alright"