More Than A Song

Ok, so you know how most kids/teenagers/co-eds doodle pictures in their notes when they're bored in class? Yeah, I definitely practiced my printing and cursive and wrote out song lyrics that were going through my head and distracting me from class. Weird, I know. But I really love music! Have you ever noticed how songs seem to convey exactly what you want to say exactly the way you want to say it? Happens to me all the time! And to be honest, I think that is how the Holy Spirit works when he intercedes for us before God--he communicates in our hearts what our words cannot. When we are stuck in prayer, the Holy Spirit is praying for us on our behalf--how cool is that!? Well, actually, I think it's more like music; more like singing to perfectly capture what we want to say, how we need to say it.

Pretty dang cool if you ask me...

SO, this song just came through my shuffle mode and I love it, I love it, I love it! So tell me what you think :)

"Curl Up and Die" by Relient K

I don't like the steps I took

To get to look

Into your deepest feelings

I don't like the place I'm in

Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling

Cause if I'm restless

Then why do I?

I want nothing but to rest my soul

And I don't get this and I know why

You see sometimes things are just beyond control

But I don't mind

But I'm not surprised to find that you do

I'm not surprised to find that you do

I know you do

And I feel fine

But I know the same does not apply to you

I know the same does not apply to you

So I guess that I'll curl up and die, too.

Clinging to the remnants of perfection

Like most do after they break it

Not knowing which direction is the correct one

Do I discard or remake it?

Cause if I don't know then I don't know

But I may know someone that knows me more than I

And if I somehow could rest this soul

Maybe control could find its way back to my life

But I don't mind

You see I know that I have done all this to you

To you

Yeah I'll curl up with you

Until I die with you [3x]

Yeah I'll curl up with you yeah my baby, yeah my darlin'

Until I die with you...

"Two Things You Told Me"

"Two things you told me:

That you are strong,

And that you love me.

Yes, you love me."

I want you to read this verse^

Now read it again...

One more time...

Did you catch that? Don't miss it! The love of our heavenly Father is strong--that means that he is able to do for us (save/transform/change/rescue/redeem). And that it is US that he loves! In the last couple of days, I have been wrapped in the blankets of this truth. Let me encourage you, my friends: his love is enough. No matter where you are at, his love is strong, it is you that he loves, and it is enough. Don't feel it? Let me encourage you: There are plenty of times when we have to hold to what we know versus what we feel. There are many times when I do not feel the strength, or the love that I need, but I know that it is there. I repeat it to myself until it affects my feelings, like talking yourself out of a bad mood: you may not feel like being respectful to your parents because you are cranky, but if you repeat the truth ("honor your father and mother, for it is the first commandment with a promise..."), you will do the right thing and your feelings will follow.

You see, the world has it backwards: people will tell you to "go with your gut" and "follow your heart" and "do whatever you feel like." But God has a different view: "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9) I'm not saying that your gut and your feelings are ALWAYS wrong (c'mon people, let's have a discussion here!). But I think that there are times that we need to embrace truth despite our feelings, especially when it comes to God-sized matters. You know the ones I'm talking about: "God, where are you in my heartbreak?" "God just tell me what direction I should go!" "Why don't I feel you near me?" "Where were you when I suffered?"

We are prone to walk away from God when we get no tangible responses from him--I speak from experience! I walked away from trusting/following God in high school during a particularly difficult year because I did not "feel" him close, "feel" his answer, "feel" his comfort when I thought I needed it. I can look back now and see that God had a plan for my life much bigger than my own--redemption that led to the return of the prodigal daughter, leading me to Pepperdine, to nutrition, to Young Life, to my blessed friendships today, and to so many other things I do not have space to say now!

So I encourage you friends: KNOW that God's love is strong, and it is strong FOR YOU. No matter where you are in life, you are not forgotten, not alone, and able to be rescued/redeemed/saved. Ask, and don't doubt! Then look to the horizon and wait, just one hour, for your Savior to appear. And guess what? He WILL appear. Watch, pray, and hold on to HOPE :)

Be reminded of this awesomely strong love: "Your Love Is Strong" by Jon Foreman

The Whole Point of Existence

Theologians break up history into 4 parts: Creation, Fall, Rebellion, and Redemption.

Creation
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. -Genesis 1:1
...
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. -Genesis 1:31
...
The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." -Genesis 2:15-17
...

Fall
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"
The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
-Genesis 3:1-7
...
So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
-Genesis 3:23-24
...

Rebellion
The fool says in his heart, "There is no God."
They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.
The LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.
All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one. -Psalm 14: 1-3

Redemption
"The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" -Mark 1:15
...
"No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven--the Son of Man. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who beieves in him may have eternal life.
"For God so loved the worlk that he have his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." -John 3: 13-17
...
Praise be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accorance with his pleasure and will--to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment--to bring all things in heaven and on earth togeter under one head, even Christ. -Ephesians 1:1-10
...
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. -Colossians 1:15-20
...
Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. -1 John 5:21

REMARKS

• Creation: Love requires a choice. God took a HUGE risk in putting freedom into the hands of mankind.
• Fall: When mankind bought the lie and disobeyed their loving God, sin entered the world. Murder, famine, disease, rape, violence, gluttony, and pain overcame the world because of our choices--why then do we blame God for these things?
• Rebellion: We live in a world that is constantly spitting in the face of its loving Creator.
• Redemption: "to buy back." Jesus came "to buy back" people from sin, death, and ultimately, our own selves. God knew that he was sending Jesus BEFORE the creation of the world. Jesus, therefore, is the entire POINT of history, existence, etc. He was not plan B when the world screwed up, but has been plan A all along. Because we were created for him, that means that we are uniquely created with a purpose. Because we were created for him, chasing after ANYTHING ELSE but Jesus is pointless--like chasing after the wind.

The heart of those following Jesus is to show the world the LOVE that God has for them and the huge problem we are in because of sin. JESUS LOVES YOU and he wants you to know that he came, all along, to save you.

Amen.

Trippin'

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You know, the funny thing is that this weekend has been a three day weekend filled with sleeping in, time at Solid Rock and The Way, phone calls to friends, walking around downtown for hours, and getting organized for next week (starting back up again at the hospital...ahhh!!!) DESPITE THAT, all that I can think about is the dinner I ate last night: Cod Fish & Chips. I am truly suffering from food guilt. As in, why do I do this to myself!? I only ate about half of it, BUT STILL--I don't even LIKE fried food all that much and it was an entire plate of brown and fried! UGH! More than the calorie guilt (plenty of that to go around), I am thinking back to my New Years resolutions, specifically number 18 (I know, I made a lot...): Love myself enough to care. To care about what I am putting in my body; to care how it is going to make me feel; to care about the long term consequences of what I eat; to care about my health; to care about the habits I make for myself; to care about ENJOYING my night out, not being tripped by guilt; to care about my body, a temple of the HOLY SPIRIT; to care about the way I look and present myself to the world.

I have realized that at some point 5 years ago, I gave up. I quit caring about myself--seriously. Instead of exercising, I slept in late because I stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning studying and working on homework that I had procrastinated on. Instead of carefully selecting what I put in my body, I chose to go out to lunch or dinner OFTEN with friends (who seemed to not be tempted AT ALL to finish what was on their plate) so that we could spend time together. Instead of spending time with and being filled by Jesus, I wasted HOURS on Facebook. When it was all said and done, I was overtired, overeaten, zoned out, and overweight. Like I had become this great, big, numb blob of what I once was. I was just kind of sullying through life, and really, no longer caring about myself. I mean, I don't shop because I hate how clothes look on me. What I have in my wardrobe is from my mom. Don't get me wrong, she has good taste! But if it has to do with me, I have given up. Now, if someone I loved ever needed ANYTHING, I could do it in a heartbeat: If I need to be at the hospital during finals week because Dave is having emergency surgery? Boom. Done. If I need to sit for 2 hours everyday and listen to a friend grieve over a loss? No problem. If I need to give up study/sleep time to pick up a friend and hang out when she locks herself out of her apartment at midnight? I'm there.

If I need to exercise daily and eat better so that I can achieve my goal weight? Uhhh...

So I don't really know how to resolve this. It's time to...care? IT'S TIME TO CARE!! So I guess that means I'm in the gym tomorrow at 6 AM. I guess that means I am writing down what I eat, drinking lots of water, eating lots of fruits and vegetables. I guess that means I am scheduling time in my day for Jesus. I guess that means I am making daily phone calls to friends. AND SOMEHOW, finding time to study and do all of this by 9:30 PM so that I can get in my 8 hours of sleep. Who knew that this taking-care-of-myself business would be so time consuming!!??

So my song, my song, my song...I need a song...got one: "All God's Children" by Delirious? This reminds me what everything is all about and who stands beside me in this. Really great song.

Now Is The Time...To Resolve

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(I ♥ Calvin and Hobbes)

Now that I have recapped 2009 and inundated you with my love for music, I can finally post my New Year's resolutions! Surprisingly, this year, I have heard quite a few people voice thier particular dislike for the resi's. Specifically, the comment is this: "I don't like NYRs. If I want to do something, I'll just do it." Interesting! I wonder if it is because we feel that we do not want to set ourselves up to fail...I mean, if you put it out there that you are going to do something, everyone can hold you accountable to follow through! If you don't, what does that make you? A failure, I guess. But honestly, isn't that what we are? I mean, there's a lot of stuff we don't accomplish--a lot we set out to do but don't do. I think that sometimes, we forget our humanity and forget that we are pretty weak and pretty incapable on our own. According to this guy Paul, that's not something that we should be ashamed of, but something we should boast about! Check this out:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." --2 Corinthians 12:7-10


SO THEREFORE, I will make many NYRs, knowing that God is ready to show up. And if I fail, I fail! That is completely to be expected--my victories are in my Jesus.

Tangent...ok...now it's time.

1. Be a woman of my word.


2. Be on Facebook once a week (uhh...yeah, remember that whole failure thing?)


3. Do not talk about how much $$ I do or (more commonly) don't have.


4. Lose weight (FOR GOOD...again...where I am weak, he is strong) by working out 5-6 days per week for at least an hour, keeping a DAILY food journal, and most importantly, PRAY OVER THIS DAILY--discover what I am holding onto that I need to let go of; what stone I need to roll away to see God's glory.


5. Make daily phone calls to my friends and family. Keep a friend journal to keep track of what is going on in their lives and how I can pray for them. Answer phone calls IMMEDIATELY.


6. Drink at least 8 cups of water per day.


7. Begin graduate school for my Master's degree by Fall 2010. This means I need to take my GRE and apply by March.


8. Attend more concerts.


9. Learn so much more about my Jesus by daily spending time in his word and PRAYING ABOUT EVERYTHING.


10. Eat out no more than 2 times per week.


11. Let my life opinions be understated--seek a gentle and quiet spirit.


12. Get 7-8 hours of sleep each night.


13. Blog daily (woo hoo!)!


14. Send out cards/letters/packages every week.


15. Study everyday. Avoid procrastination and stress.


16. PRAY for people when I say I will


17. Develop my own fashion style that represents who I am--PRAY about it, and spend frugally.


18. Love myself enough to care for myself enough.


19. REALLY PRAY for the man I will marry someday--surrender my desires, hurts, stubbornness, bitterness, anger, and sadness to my Jesus.


20. PRAY CONSTANTLY for my unsaved friends.


21. Understand the Health Care Reform Bill (ambitious, I know).


22. Speak less, listen more.


23. Jesus > Brittany
    

Didn't realize it until right now, but I see a theme here, don't you? PRAYER needs to be a much bigger part of my life--PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING!! Did you know PRAYER changes God's mind? How crazy is that!? Our PRAYERS to God reach his ears and MOVE HIM!! PRAYER is powerful, and I need to believe it, which means I need to practice it, and become DISCIPLINED about it. Obviously, God doesn't always say yes--but he always hears us and is always with us! His great purpose for us is to bring our hearts back into an intimate relationship with himself--that is his whole goal! Therefore, we can be confident of the work he is doing in our lives FOR OUR GOOD. Even through the really hard times...he chooses to walk this road with us. Thanks for that, Jesus :)

Ok, SO, my song of the day...Miss Kelly has a wonderful list today and it put it in my head: "Heartbreak Warfare" by John Mayer. Love you all!

Japanese Woodblocks and Freedom, Sweet Freedom

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Did you know that Wikipedia features a "Picture of the Day" ?? Today's picture is "a detail from a Japanese woodblock print of Zhong Kui, a Chinese mythological figure traditionally regarded as vanquisher of ghosts and demons. His image is often painted on household gates as a guardian spirit, as well as in places of business where high-value goods are involved. According to folklore, Zhong Kui was a man who committed suicide after he was stripped of the title "zhuangyuan" (having achieved top honors in the imperial examinations) by the emperor of China because of his disfigured appearance, after which he became king of ghosts in Hell" (wikipedia.org).

There's your history lesson for the day...

In other news...if I could, I would strangle myself. No, not literally...geez...

But seriously, what is it about my self-control that empowers me to wake up Monday through Friday at 5:30 and get to the gym (as I have been for the last 4 weeks) to be working my BUTT off (quite literally, thank you) and yet caves when it comes to controlling what I eat?? Is that the most RIDICULOUS thing ever!!?? I feel like I can sympathize with Paul from the Bible. Check this out!! It's TOTALLY how I feel:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I deligt in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Romans 7:15-25 (under the heading Struggling With Sin, which is perfect)

Allow me to expose myself and paraphrase, as this verse is relevant to my life (the Bible is relevant and applicable today!!):

I do not understand myself (haha, no difference there!). I want to lose weight--30-ish pounds, to be inexact--but I do not discipline myself to do it; instead, I eat too much food, indluge myself unnecessarily, and effectively negate my hard morning's workout. My unhappiness because of this defeat within myself is proof that this is absolutely NOT the life God planned for me. But I am overcome by my sin nature, which is my desire and belief that I am entitled to have what I want, when I want it, immediately; to be a slave to temporary pleasure so petty "it tastes good" or "feed my hunger" urges consume me. There is NOTHING GOOD in this thinking because I have the DESIRE to lose this weight, but I cannot do it. I do not practice self-control, which is what I want to do, but don't. It is my sin nature that overcomes my own desire to be done with this battle; the person that I am created to be becomes lost in sin's ugly shadows.

So here is how the battle will go down: when I want to lose weight (practice self-control), evil will be RIGHT THERE WITH ME. In the quietest places of my heart, I delight myself in God's laws, which are filled with promises of love, life, and joy! But there are other laws at work within my body, that wage war on my MIND (lauging at my effort, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed, telling me I'll never win) and these lies make me a prisoner of these habits. What a wretched woman I am (no change there either)! Who will rescue me from this body, from this endless circle I have run myself into, from the lies that so easily trip me up?

THANKS BE TO GOD--THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD! (There is definitely no change there).

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Disclaimer: I am absolutely, 100% NOT saying that eating food is bad, or that enjoying the pleasures of eating is bad (God MADE it to be a pleasure-FULL experience). BUT, when we are jeopardizing our health by eating too much leading to weight gain, we are no longer living the life God intended. When we go to bed DREAMING of all the ways in which we will lose weight; when we spend our waking hours IDOLIZING the figure we want to have and the attention we want to receive; when we truly come to believe that THIS will be our key to happiness...



THEN, we have a problem.



This, dear friends, is the broken ground on which you have found me. So I really do need your prayers and your support. May I place my desires for beauty on God's altar, that he may mold my character into who he created me to be. May I repent of my sin at the cross, where he died TO SET ME FREE ("For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him" --John 3:17). Did you catch that? FREEDOM. Yes Jesus! I ask for your forgiveness and your FREEDOM!


So here goes nothing...still working out. Time to put the kibosh on eating for my own pleasure (just in time for the holidays...grreeeeeaaaaatttt). Remember, when I want to do good, evil is right there with me. So I will call on the one who came to help me--my freedom-giver, MY SAVIOR...



Jesus.


I changed my song of the day. I am going to recommend that you listen to "Captivated" by Shawn McDonald. WOW! When I hear this song, I want NOTHING MORE than to be forever captivated by the God who adores ME. Now THAT is something...

This post was partially inspired by Carly over at Random Nuggets, for now. Here beautiful, honest look at life is moving and fantastic :) I invite you ALL over to her little blog!